smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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