Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
