There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
