I miss vodka workout Fridays
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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