i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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