its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
