Already got asked if we're dating
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
