guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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