I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
