I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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