i barfeds in our rink
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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