On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
