what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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