Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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