I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
