Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
