i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so let's talk penis.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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