I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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