i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
