sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
