Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
