apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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