Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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