If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Sorry my hands just texted you
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
