i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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