He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
