So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
