I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
