This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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