i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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