o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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