I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
