I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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