somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
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