it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
