i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
