She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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