I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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