I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
