I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
