I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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