I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize