I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
