I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
