i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
