I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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