He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
