its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
