It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
