So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
