she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
