I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
