We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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