my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
