apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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