i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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