Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
honey bunches of taint.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
