My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
