Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
