God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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