Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
