He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
