Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
