I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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