well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize