i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
