Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
