hell yes lets make some ravioli
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
