so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
