In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i think my mom watched the whole time
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
