Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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