Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
