just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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