i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
